RDA

D stands for Delroy bio-dad
R stands for Rupert
A stands for an ex

There are three men that came in and out my life, and they were all very special to me; It hurt more than anything when they exited my life. One didn't want to stay, one died, and the other was simply a mirage. I had three distinct relationships with each, but they all gave me something I craved the most. All my life I've been trying to find myself, and it took me awhile to figure out who was staring back at me. I was lost, confused and had no hope and these men almost helped me to reach my life long goal, but as they exited so did the dream until I found a new hope that was there all along.

D stands for dad which I didn't have all my life. When I was 3 my parents split and I was devastated. The crazy part was when I was born my mom told me he couldn't put me down, I was his pride and joy. He took me everywhere like I was his wallet. I have so much pictures of me and him in my early years and the way we looked in the pictures you would think we were on the verge of having  tight knit family with 2 more on the way. But nope, the I only time I asked for my dad was when I was asking my mom where he was and when was he coming home. I happened to have had the typical story of a child that was brought up in a divorced household, child either grows up messed up or grows up trying to prove that her daddy made the wrong decision leaving and not staying apart of their life. In my case I was pretty messed up, I spaced out in school, I did my work but I wasn't sociable. I was constantly teased and I had low self esteem. I grew up thinking the worst about myself, I wanted to die everyday, plotted to kill myself and all, never tried though, I was just depressed. I was 10 and I cried almost every night, blamed myself and all. Growing up I put on a front at school to made it seem like I was happy; I would come home and not do homework,I was too busy imagining what life would be like if i was white or pretty or had a full happy family or if daddy stayed. Being the only child was the hardest thing, my mom was a single parent trying to support me and she long hours not to mention her job was far, so I would be home alone every day, granted my grandparents lived upstairs but I just wanted to be alone. I went through a lot in my 22 years of life, so much I cant even recall everything, but I know that through age 3 to 16 were my worst years.

R stands for Rupert, he was this guy that my mom was dating and they were pretty serious. His relationship with me was one I never dreamed I would have experience and I loved him so. He was the perfect step-dad, I never loved a man so much, he treated me like a father treats his favorite child, he took me out, he looked after me, and took care of me and he loved me. I was a very inquisitive child growing up and I loved to debate about GOD, the word and things that went on in the world. We held intelligent conversations and he made me feel good about myself, he was just there like how a father should be to their child. I loved his warmth, and his kind heart, he was the sweetest man I knew. His ability to make me smile, and make me comfortable was effortless. I never felt bored around him, I loved him so much I tried to pressure my mom to marry him, but he wouldn't speak on the topic. I was always confused,  and wondered why would he spend so much time around me if he didn't love me, or wasn't trying to marry m mom. One day he was in the hospital and the next he was gone. He was sick and was going to die, and he didn't want anyone to know. When i found out my heart shattered to pieces, all I kept thinking was NOOO not again! this cant happen again! I cannot have someone I love this much be taken from me again, I needed him, his love his support, A FATHER FIGURE I needed it sooo much and it was gone....just like that. I never cried so much, after his funeral I was dead, ghost, I didn't wanna talk or deal with anybody. I went back to my old ways and it just got worse, depression had sprung up upon me again and I had just given up.

A stands for ex boyfriend, This was a relationship I had recently and it stirs up old memories both good and bad. We had a short relationship but the way it was going you would have thought we would have gotten married had three kids and a farm, it was just that perfect. But NOTHING is perfect. What I appreciated about this relationship was the fact that he wasn't your typical guy, he was smart, supportive and inspirational. When we were together he inspired me to be greater than I ever thought I could be, I wanted to climb Mount Everest with him on my side. He took the time out to explain things to me, teaching me, and coaching me about stuff like like real estate, politics, culture and other religions. He opened up my mind to new and exciting things and I was so willing to learn from him. This man, before and during our relationship would give me tips and help me learn about real estate, I believe he sincerely wanted me to be even better than he was. Not only did he teach me things, he made me feel beautiful like really beautiful, I've never been with a person who constantly validated me and made me really secure in my relationship. I trusted him and had every reason to, not only did I literally spend every min with him, I trusted him. I was in my own little bubble, like have you ever been with someone where you see no one else but you them and clouds..like it was crazy. I was in lala land, blinded. He made me feel so secure that I showed him the real me, which was my real hair and he even made me feel better about going natural. I cant explain it, but when we were together he just made me feel good. In some weird way, I guess I looked at him as a father figure in some instances, he validated my looks which a father is suppose too, he taught me things not only about the business but things in life that I wasn't exposed to which a father is suppose too, and he really loved me, and I never felt love like that before. It was real, new and exciting and its sad that I never got that from my father, but a boyfriend so when we broke up I was crushed yet again. So again I went through my period of being depressed, and down and I looked like death for a few months.

What saddens me is that all of this has to do with my dad, and him not being there, and the fact that I had to seek love from these people, but there relationships made me smarter, wiser, and experienced. Even though I hated going through them it has gotten me closer to God. Through all this, God has been the only constant in my life, he has never let me down and left me in any shape or form, and it took me years to realize this, but when I did I definitely grabbed a hold on God and never let go since. So remember when you go through your troubles, life knocks you down and you seem all hope is gone just remember God is the only one that can satisfy your soul and fill the gap of who you lost. God is unchangeable and his love is endless, you can ALWAYS count on him.

Disney Girl in lala land

This is a brief but informative attack on females that think fairytale relationships exist, sorry for being so blunt but sweety if this applies to you YOU NEED TO GET A CLUE, now you can only believe in those stories if you 10 maybe 12 but in this day and age you should know the difference between real and fake. Now don't throw stones if you live in a glass house, that is to say I once were in fairytale land, and thought my relationship was golden but boy did reality kick in and i got a rude awakening. The good thing about me is i have experienced my heart being broken before, even though this time was entirely different and i fell hard, face first on concrete reality bites and i got back on my game. Many females believe in the fairytale of love and blah blah blah and when your in that world your eyes are closed, shut tight like a blind bat. When in your in that situation its kinda hard to get out, because all along your mind is telling you " this is too perfect this cant be real" but your heart is enjoying the feeling and you get swept away, and what you have to realize is NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT not one, even your soul mate bugs you from time to time, but that is alright, that's NORMAL. That how regular relationships work out, you fight you make up and move on, that's life. So if your in one f those perfect perky relationship prepare for a downfall, and if you are reading this then you need yo put a stop to it before it gets worse, lets face it when you fight your true colors come out, if they still love you afterwards then yous in good standing, if not he wasn't meant for you, the real you.

Now if your one of the females who hasn't experienced it your in a fantasy world of denial, your longing and dreaming about the wrong thing. You are a female junkie who gets high of Disney movies and thinks that it happens just like that, and the sad part is you would put yourself in situations just so you can have movie moment. Granted i believe every female even my self loves a movie moment but not Disney movie moment, its so fake i can see the silicone on my TV screen, its like some weird liquid and when it bursts it bleeds out and the plastic that's left has melted away and form into the nothingness that is your nonexistent relationship. That type of female isn't ready for substance, something real and tangible and its truly sad. If you are like this and have not experience heartbreak, get in a relationship and give yourself entirely, if and when this happens then you truly survive in this dating world. However if you luck out, and when you have given yourself you had the love returned then congrats babes, that's a 10 in a million in this world, just think of yourself as winning the jackpot. So my point is, just be true and real in the beginning stages and if he sticks around then you would have know he is there for you and not a fake version of notyou.

Soul-Mate

Let me know the ways so that i can be your perfect soul mate...CUT, how can someone try to be someones perfect soul mate its either you are or you not, its that's simple. That brings me to my subject for today, how can one be someones perfect soul mate. Now when I say perfect soul mate I mean this person loves all your flaws and thinks its poetic. They just tend to love every little thing about you and know you down to a T in less than a year of the relationship. I say in less than a year because anyone can learn things about you as the relationship progresses, but the more they know in the less time shows how truly perfect they are for you. The person should just do things that you would do and vice versa, they would pick up where you slack and always remain on the same page no matter what. Everyone is born with a match in life, and when you date you are suppose to be trying to find that perfect match or your true love.

In true love instances you find the person of your dreams and they are your match for life, other times you take a risk with a person and see what the turn out is, and if it happens to work and you both were willing to compromise then that's beautiful. But for that isn't fate that is weighing your options and making it work for you. I'm talking about the"Ooo she/he look mad good imma go bag and see if she/he take my number and call me" in the beginning and then after a few dates you get to know the person and you end up liking them and you develop a relationship to see if things could work and they do. But if were talking about fate, I'm talking about the "wow this person seems to have all the characteristics I would want in a partner", then your thinking if there thinking the same thing. So when you realize this person is your soul mate, and your telling the story about how you met, you find out you guys were thinking the exact same thing about each other, that's when it clicks that you are in fact meant for each other. I believe their is nothing better than being on the same page even before the relationship (Sounds crazy but some people want the same things and they can just tell what the other wants just by looking at them). I love nothing more when a partner can tell what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling without me even having to open my mouth, is and unspoken language that your soul mate speaks because their your match, your perfect pair, they can just tell and make it right.

Back to the meet and greet, granted you won't know this person and you haven't spoken to them, your basically going off looks, but depending on the scenery you can study the person based on what there doing. Now this scenario only goes for people who meet their soul mates in for example the book store, or on the line at a store or grocery, seen them in church, or somewhere you can study them before you make you approach. Definitely not no random walking down the street approach because lets face it, you just tryna bag if she/he is off the street (on the road) and trust it wont be for more than free food and mindless fooling around. So you put on your inspector gadget specs on and you kinda play context clues and see what their about, then you muscle up the nerve to ask them out. Now this can go for ladies who feel their of the the new millennium and brave enough to bag dudes. Now if your the shy/classy type who believes a man should take the lead and play his role, then the same follows if he is for you he will approach you. Now this isn't a simple "bagging" but a get to know you kinda meet and greet, the person will engage in a conversation, no matter where they are only if interested (only if there in a rush they would apologize and tell you they will call) but for a soul mate type scene he/she would talk with you before they get the number. See everyman knows what they want in a female, if they want sex he will take your number and talk to you in two to three days to put the moves on you, but if he likes what he sees and is intrigued by the conversation, he will call you the same night to see if you got home safely and make a date with you the next day.

Now during this time period i would like for either of you, while your getting to know each other DO NOT BE FAKE under ANY circumstances, this will mess up the flow of things and throw the relationship over board and it would have a gunshot wound eternally bleeding until it dries out and just dies. I just hate when your in a relationship and one party tells you they like something and you agree just so you can have something in common. Once you start with lies, you will lie again and again until your a different person, and you would have changed yourself just to make the relationship work. Now imma be honest black people or African Americans don't normally do this but some do, this is generally for Caucasian folks, you girls lie through your teeth (and your pretty good at it) but in the end you loose. You think you get the perfect guy but in fact he is only in love with you because of the mirage you put up for him, and when your true colors start to show and he sees you for what you really are he would walk away; not because your different, but because you lied.

Recap: Your Soul Mate is the person who finishes your sentences on the fifth date, they know you because you would have so much in common, they would be the ying to your yang. This person makes you feel complete to the point where you don't look at anyone else, not even for looking sake. You just know you have the right person that's just for you, you wouldn't even have to feel jealous or intimidated by anyone else because no one is like you but you. There is only 1 Soul Mate for every 1 person, and when you find him/her you would feel like you have everything you would ever need. I haven't found mine yet but I'm still looking and believing in God, and in Gods time he will be revealed to me and i will have true happiness. Good movie reference to true love watch "When Harry Met Sally" it is one of the best love stories in the late eighties, and  is very memorable. The movie showed that no matter how long you are away from the person if their your Soul Mate they will come back to you. Some of the older couples that did the commentary said when they saw their Soul Mate in a matter of weeks they were married to them and most of the marriages lasted over 30 years, and they still looked happy. I believe that in this time and day it can still happen, even though a lot has changed socially and economically, some things always stay the same and that's TRUE LOVE! 

How I lost love...pt1

I thought I needed a relationship to be inspired to write something down, I mean i haven't wrote a post in months and if you asked me what I've done boy i can tell you a boat load of stories, about my experiences. The clubs, parties, rooftop parties, exclusive events, private dinners, dates, and outings, were endless i went out almost every night, i would work on weekends and party right after, i was enjoying life, getting out having fun, doing me living my own life making my own decisions, buying what i wanted, dressing scandalous, feeling sexy in every sense of the word, but i wasn't happy. I can now tell you why i was sad, because i am no longer depressed, i went through the worst stage of my life and its because of a young man named (well lets call him) Mr Brown, my ex boyfriend, we went out for a month, literally the shortest relationship ever, I'm ashamed of myself and how i acted afterwards, you would thought we dated for years. But when you read my story you will understand why.

So it all started when i joined a company (lets call it) Harvest, I have been wanting to try out real estate for some time now and this was my way in, they allowed me to work without a license to get some "experience" under my belt and of course i was grateful, but still it's a commissioned base job, which means i had to bust my ass to get paid. So i worked and i got my friend in to work with me, we went through training and i was so optimistic about it, i thought i was gonna sell and make so much money, i thought it was easy. My mother had been in real estate for almost 10 yrs and i have helped her in the past with open houses, clerical work and such. My resume is strictly sales, every job i had dealt with included retail work, or customer service. So training went fine, but me being who i am which is my fathers daughter even though i ha vent spent more than 5 days with the man after he and my mom split when i was 3 because of his cheating ways, typical man, I loved eye candy and one of the guys that trained with us was kinda cute, not my type at all, he was muscly, kinda baby bulky type and had big hands and big teeth you know the type, (a chick a Jersey shore girl would love) anyways I flirted, cause its in my nature to do so, we spoke or exchanged words a few times but it wasn't going anywhere, besides i was dealing with this guy that lived around my way. Get this he was cute, NOT smart, but studying to be an engineer, total "shaking my head moment". Anyways so were in training and one of the mangers comes in and bad mouths this kid who is like 20 and makes as much money as he does, and he's like if he can do it you can, basically this kid was a top producer and was doing well. So the kid comes in and guess who no other but Mr Brown himself, now I gave him 1 look and ain't pay him any mind, but i thought he was cute. Now my home girl is like yo get that and bring him to church he's a good catch, making good money, smart, and got good hair lol (typical Jamaican) so anyways I'm like yea he a good look but blah lets get back to making this money. So things was going blah yaddah yaddah yaddah, and we ain't make jack, so were like "yo we running around showing apartments and we ain't benefiting from this, this is wack lets get a REAL job and keep it pushing". Our attitudes changed when we saw what the business had to offer, basically if you ain't got your heart in in you would walk away, because this type of sales was completely different, selling clothes, food, sure that's easy, tryna to sell an apartment a place someone is going to live in for the next year or so, not that easy. So we quit, bounced and dipped out. One day I'm on facebook and i stumbled upon Harvest on facebook so i joined and i saw Mr browns profile, it was private and i left it at that. Next day i get a request from him and I'm a lil hype not gonna front, I'm like aoowww he caught the bait, (boy am i a good fisher, ehhh we'll see) so he hits me up on facebook chat and starts talking to me like "aye ain't you that black chick that use to work at Harvest" I'm like "lol yea i quit i wasn't making money therefore wasting my time" so he hits me with the "c'mon black people never last here i think you should give it another try if you need help I'll help you personally" so in my head I'm like is he coming on to me and I'm like "okkk we will see" so he goes "come in to work tomorrow at the meeting and we can start there" so I'm like" well i ain't got nothing better else to do why not" so in my head I'm like this guy makes money off this business and if he can help me do the same imma take full advantage of the opportunity, and see what he's really about. So i go, we meet up early in the morning and i feel like a intern on her first day of work, he walked ahead of me and spoke the whole time, I'm surprised i didn't have a note book and took notes the way he dictated to me and i just sat there and listened eager to learn from this kid who was so smart, i envied him and wanted to be just like him only better, i wanted to be his competition, i wanted to beat him and be better than him so he could feel the way i felt. We got to work and i heard the meeting, and we was just so shocked that i even showed up he didn't know what to help me with, so he just told me to do what i know and when ever i needed any advice to ask. So i did so, and got him to help me get my templates sorted out so i could post them on facebook and get business calls so that i could make appointments and at least try harder than i did before. He was right there helping me along the way, the next night we spoke and he made fun of my pictures on facebook, we literally cutt ass on each other for days at a time. That was our thing, he helped me at work and we would cutt on each other during our free time, we had fun, he was really cool. He misjudged me and I him, we spent so much time together and in the time a friendship was born and we bonded. But me being female i was just falling in like with him the whole time, and eventually i knew i would want more. I admired him for being 1 yr younger than me and making it work for him, he told his past, his family history, his faults, his flaws and i him. We had a working relationship and i wanted more, one evening we were coming from work and he saw his friend, he introduced me and his friend flirted with me, while i was flattered i gave off a friendly vibe but his friend could tell i was digging Mr Brown. So we get on the bus and i sit beside his friend, Mr Brown goes "so its like that" so like a stupid school girl hopelessly in love i quickly get up and sit beside Mr Brown, so his friend goes "ohhhhh so you got it like that aiteee" lol so im cheesing like omg smh embarrassment, so were all talking having a friendly conversation, and then another friend gets on the bus and sits beside the other guy, so Mr Brown and i develop our own private conversation, and i swear every time we spoke i got closer and closer to his face, it was like crazy how much attention i gave this boy. Not only that his skin was clean clear and sexy, i was in his grill and he knew it oddd. One day we were having a conversation on the bus on our way home and it was about the masons and the Illuminati and i was just shocked that he knew so much about that stuff and had researched like i did, ( OMG MIND YOU I MISSED THE BIGGEST PART OF THIS STORY SO I'M A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN AND HE IS AN ATHEIST) yea (PLOT THICKENS) so were talking and like I'm in his face oddd tryna talk quiet cause that ain't nothing to be talking loud about on the bus, so then his stop comes up and he jumps up like aite deuces and he smirks at me, so I'm going crazy cause the sexual tension is there and the flirting and everything, so i get home (MIND YOU AGAIN WE TALKED EVERY NIGHT) and i call him and we talk and I'm hinting a few things and then i blabbed i couldn't hold my tongue or play the game any more, i just wanted him so bad and i told him i was feeling him, and he was like how he didn't know and he was clueless blah blah blah, but i believed he had an inkling to how i was feeling and was feeling the same ( THE SIGNS WERE THERE HE KNEW). So we spoke about it and the next morning when we were on the train together (WE RODE THE TRAIN TOGETHER EVERY MORNING TO WORK) i was a bit shy and didn't say much cause i put myself out there, and he just told me that he thought i was cute and he just never figured i was into him like that blah blah blah, so we get to work and were working sitting beside each other at the computer and i looked at him, and he gave me this blank look and i grabbed his face and kissed him, (y'all i couldn't help it, he just looked so cute with his glasses and his nerdy face and I'm weak for sexy black nerds) anyways so i caught him by surprise and he smiled (so were in a corner behind a wall and no1 can see us) so he pushed me closer to the wall and kissed me back (y'all his lips was so soft and moist and it was poppin y'all) (hold up lemme bring you to a time when we were on the train and i would stare at his lips and think to myself, he looks like he would have the softest lips but it was chappy and dry lol and terrible, so I use to come at him all the time and tell him he needed blistex, and he would try and front and be like "why you care about my lips" and i would smile and say "because i talk to you everyday and they so dry its the first thing i notice" so after i gave him the lip speech he took my advice after awhile following up to the kiss and that was why the kiss was so amazing because his lips were saved by my advice) anyways so its getting late at work, and everyone is walking out to leave and me and him decide to stay and pretend like we had extra work to do, so we separated to not make it look hott, (and he had the key to open and close the door so we was good) so the people we worked with left and we were talking and...(lets just say one thing led to another)

If you want PT2 write comments....and follow my blog

Moving Foward

My dream job is to work with my buddy who is creating a magazine which focuses on every aspect in the artist/fashion world. It would cover food, fashion, gossip, clothes, art, musicians, bands basically everything this demographic is into. My job in the magazine would be to cover food, and relationships of course. Now you may wonder what makes me an expert on food, well I'm not but i will be, in order to claim I'm a specialist i am going to have to become a food tester so i will be taking my taste buds to a whole new level and trying different foods from all over the world and each time i will write a review hopefully you will read. As you guys know i am currently single and i don't enjoy it lol, just being honest i missed having someone i can call my own i am very territorial. Honestly i hate it, my thoughts are distorted towards men after the horrible situation with my ex, i literally went out my character and was disappointed in myself but everything happens for a reason. I am still who i am and if he didn't know me before he seen my true colors now, but i doubt i will act like that again over anyone, i am done with men until GOD blesses me with a good one, and now i am on the journey to better myself, and I'm just so tired of procrastinating i just feel like its time to do me. This blog was initially about relationship advice and i am transforming it into my new script page, i have literally written 3 or 4 unfinished scripts all different material so i will be editing, finishing, and putting the final touches on my copy written work and then i will be distributing them and if its GOD'S will then i will be noticed and offered a book deal which is my goal. A movie deal would be awful because if they change my script it would take away the essence and the heart of my true story and i refuse to sell out. On that note I'm going to add my first draft and see what i can do.

Im back....

Hey guys so I've been away for awhile, had got a job and i was pretty busy for awhile more like 3 months worth, so with that being said i missed you blogggggggg, bloggers, bloggetts lol. Today i do not have a specific topic for you i just figured let me ramble and see where it gets me. I have been playing this game with my ex, and he fell for the trap and i just think its hilarious #random to be talking about him but what ever. This guy had me feeling all sorts of ways after we broke up and tried to blame me for alot of stuff that didn't have anything to do with me, so i played the crazy ex bitch for awhile, i would randomly hit him up and bug him for things, the shocker was he responded and he did every time, so i give my ex an applaud for either really loving me, being a push over, or just being a gentleman/sweetheart, or what ever. But ladies he doesn't get any medals yet, he has definitely disrespected me a few times and i have retaliated so i guess u can say we were both in the wrong, but me being a female i can care less its either my way or the highway. So basically my point of all this is that I'm over him now, and i got him to tell me to leave him alone which was something i wanted him to do from just instead od leading me on, so i had to teach him a lesson so i tortured him for 2 1/2 months over bull$hit and made him miserable for the most part, and i didn't care because in my eyes that was the only way he could receive justice and i also have his skateboard lol which makes me feel a heck of alot better so cheers to my win, not only did i move on long before he told me the truth i convinced him that i still cared and gave him false hope, because i know him and in the back of his mind he needed that love i gave him, everyone needs that special love and yes i was in love but love don't pay the bills. That's all I'm gonna share tonight but best believe I'm back and i will be blogging more now thanks to my black berry so poppin, anywayz night bloggetts.

my man

Smile

Smiling makes you look prettier and separates fine lines in your face, it also makes you look younger and happier. Woman why are you not smiling, that bitch attitude and face isn't cute, you think it gets you attention and it does, but sometimes the wrong one. for instances scene walking down the street fly outfit looking bad and a stink face on, niggas try to holla first line, "whats wrong babes, can i put a smile on your face" "why you so angry, what he do this time" by this time your either smiling because you like the attention or tight because their bothering you. Now, the right guys comes along and he is cute, but you don't notice right away, he is driving his car and says excuse me to you at the stop light, you think its a reg nigga and keep walking, then he goes the extra mile and parks his car comes out and proceeds to talk to you, by this time you like wtf you turn to look at him and he is handsome, and he says " why you look like that your far to pretty to be walking round with that look on your face" you reply with a smile and maybe just maybe something starts, not here comes superhero syndrome. I got that from the comic book iron man where he says "I Can't kill because I am a superhero" Syndrome". So he figures he is here to rescue you from something, he wants to keep a smile on your face, now if your the type of woman that is submissive this may be good for you, you don't mind being saved, and wants to be pleased all the time and get what you want, (now u guys might think I'm crazy but listen to this) there are females out here that don't want everything, i mean we say we do but we like to be told NO every once in awhile, and turned down too especially the BAD females, they need to be turned down more than the not-so-bad ones you feel me, see BAD get compliments all the time and they get tired of hearing the same thing over again, but you treat them like blah in the beginning and treat them good & bad like balance it so they wont get bored or think your like all the rest, and a not-so-bad chick needs compliments to boost her self esteem, BUT REMEMBER MOST GIRLS HAVE SELF ESTEEM ISSUES EVEN THE BAD ONES, so don't be fooled! even if you think she shouldn't she has them, that's just built in our system society has made us think we will never be good enough smh cant help that theory unless you get a rebel who just don't give a %&$^. (fyi i dont proofread my work so if there are errors excuse them, i will proofread when i write my book)

Poetry slam

♥Real like the freckles on your skin, the curl in your hair, and the pimple on your right cheek, my heart is like a warm pool of sticky sinking sand, once your in it you feel the warm embrace and then when you realize you cant get out your suddenly gasping for air, my body like a petite coke bottle, do with me what you will, my mind is gasping for air that is you, and when you left i stop thinking...& started doing, my ♥ is still yours!

rants & raves pt1

I HATE TO LOSE...i hate wanting something so bad and not getting it. I have been that way for a long time, me being the only child i was deff spoiled for awhile, and i learned how to use my brain to get what i want just by reading people. I read people so good, i dont even have to talk to them to know what i can get out of them, just by simple body language and facial expressions and i love it. I use my brain alot, along with my acting skills, my charm and wit and i get what i want. Lately i been slacking, yes i fell off hard body, slipped up and...lets just say it was a gunshot moment. But never again, i am too smart, pretty, talented, and intelligent to let myself not conquer what i want. When i put my mind to do something i can do it, but for awile now i havent been doing my homework and putting my all, bacially half stepping. I dont know what it is but i want something and i cant quite put my finger on it, so i have been looooooosing guys... smh (shaking my head) but right now all this time and experience is building up my momentumin and when i can put my finger into what "IT" is then i will be awesome. I am already loads of fun lol. so guys its ok to loose once in awhile, your not gonna win everything in life, but you can you just cant slack up.

Rants & Raves pt2

So this is nothing informative, its just my occurring rants and raves, so for the past three days my life has been amazing, like I had an argument with my ex and it was the last straw for me, and i seriously told myself to move on AND I DID, and when i stop thinking about the past month and a half of my previous relationship and stop crying over it, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders like I really put alot into making it work and it was more me than him, and thats also when i realized i was wasting my time, see ladies you have to see whats before you, not the lies they say and want you to believe, I deff don't believe a word out that boy mouth anymore, and im over it. Moving on and forward is the best thing to do when one person in the relationship is trying harder, while the other person is slightly pushing you away slowly but surely. I expressed my feelings and got the weight off my chest because now he truley knows how i feel, sometimes i wonder if i really loved him or if it was just lust...but what ever the was i still do, only now it just doesnt hurt as much and i feel alot better than before. I will always care about him, and I wish him all the best. I think if it was real love it will come back to you, and for some reason i dont see that in our future, maybe a friendship but idk that. As long i have to malice in my heart against him, im great. As time goes on you move on, looking to start a new chapter in my life and thats to get a freaking job, after that everything i want will fall into place, just remember put GOD first and everything will be fine. I am a firm believer on faith and having faith keeps me going.

Phase 2 pt2 (Keeping each other Interested)

Alright now this is for the chick who moves fast in relationships yea! You know who, guilty as
charged. I dated someone for about 4 months and in my mind it seemed like a year...Anyway you can call me or people like me a 16-20 weeker (i.e that's the longest they can hold a relationship) and FYI, as I have said in my past blogs, I am the walker; "the one who walks away". BTW, I am not proud , but that was in my past life.

Any who - things that make relationships go stale is seeing each other everyday which is a NO-GO; you want your partner to miss your face and your presence. Therefore, moving in together in the first 6-12 months is also a NO-GO. Maybe after 3 years when you see that he/she is devoted to you 100% and you see marriage and kids in your future then; but take your time. So if you are a 16-20 "weeker" you should try a hobby or taking up more hrs at work to prolong the relationship. Also, remember to go out from time to time; staying in can also get stale.

Most men are lazy and don't know how to have fun; so that's when manipulation comes into play. Ladies you can use your facial expressions to show sadness and get what you want. You don't always have to resort to sex; there is so much more to us than that. Basically make known that no favors will be given on their behalf because of their selfishness. No matter what; take a stand cause that's where their lack of compromise comes back into play and they should be punished. You can also act like you don't care and hint that you will take someone else instead; just don't tell what's the sex of the other individual. Men love to jump to conclusion and will automatically think it will be a male. This is depending on the relationship and how good or bad it is. For instance, if your man is suspect; then this will not work because he will jump to conclusion and use this as an opportunity to go out with another female. But, if he loves you, he will get jealous and make moves to please you and ease his conscience. If he plays the (I'm not the jealous type card) then you can call his bluff and gather your things to leave and make moves. Again, if he does love you he will just give in because he sees that you are serious. This will work, only if you know your partner.

See! another reason why relationships fail is because people fail to see what is before them. You have to be able to walk into a relationship with your eyes open and know what you want going into. Most people cant do that; they are easily distracted by the person's looks, or if the relationship started out perfect; they are just shocked that it even worked out and are pleased no matter what the person does. Some people especially females tend to look past the bad and see the good even if the good in the relationship is little to none.

Insecurity also plays a big role in relationships and the lack their-of. People don't realize its not what you want; but what you need. People also don't take in account their past experiences and learn from them. You cant date the same type of people over and over again, and not realize that the pattern is not working. If you had bad experiences with this one type of personality; even if that's what you are attracted to; you have to learn to adjust your like and dislikes and make it work for you. It has to be good for you and has to better you. You should grow and learn from this person; not go backwards, but forwards. So for your relationship to work: adjust your likes and make it work for you because in the end it can damage you.

Basically don't date someone like your ex! unless you handle the situation differently. For instance; if your ex in a situation would take things out of hand; and you present girlfriend ends up in the same situation and deals with it entirely different in a good way then I can see it working. But don't date someone that has your ex's bad habits or history. It will repeat itself. So basically start to think about yourself first; then think about the duds you have experienced in the past; learn from them and in your next selection get to know them as friends. See if this will better you in the future and if it could work. THIS IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE READY TO SETTLE DOWN AND NOT WASTE TIME. If your just in the dating scene and having fun do your thing, and always remember wear protection over your heart and over his Johnson =)

Phase 3 (The Sex)

Hmm...well this was gonna come up sooner or later so i figured lets get it out there once and for all, Now I'm no Virgin and i am proud to admit it, lets face it who really is now-a-days (and no I'm not advocating sex) I can honestly say I wish I was still one, yea its fun and then you have to go to the clinic and make sure that all that fun you were having was safe and protected. Long lines, long waits, waiting for results, smh...NOT FUN, so if you are under the age of 18 and reading this and still a virgin STAY ONE, cause the consequences are unpleasant, I have seen some friends go through some scary situations and it wasn't pretty. Now stop reading and go watch cartoons, back to the grown folks. Any who back to the topic at hand, SEX, so females now your guy and you have sex maybe 3-5 times a week depending on how handsome he is, how freaky you are, and if your even attracted to him anymore (this is for girls who has been in long meaningless relationship and is only there for his cash) it happens, any who i believe in honesty, sexual honesty and most relationships lacks this. Females and Males need to be more honest in their relationship, for instance females if he lacks size, length, width, drive, rhythm, stamina, and males is she cant ride, runs to much, grunts, digs to hard in your back, lifeless, motionless etc.. Sadly these are regular issues that most relationships have and people are too scared to talk about it, so imagine the serious stuff like smells, tastes, looks, burning, the gross stuff that may or may not happen and yet people are so afraid of talking about the normal well what about the Abnormal. These are issues that we need to tackle and stop hiding from, Sexual honesty can help and possibly prevent STDS, breakups, and emotional sexual awkwardness...yikes. So learn from this the next time your horny and in a relationship and its the first time, before just getting to it, talk about what you like from what you don't like, do it (protected) and then take mental notes of what went wrong and discuss it, trust its better to know than to find out after you broke up and end up in a heated argument and have the other person throw it in your face, I think were a bit mature now and don't have to resort to childlike behavior. And also I cannot stress enough Protection, STD's are no joke and can happen at any time, not to mention AIDS yikes X10.

Phase 2 (Keeping each other Interested)

Alright, so now that you have learned about this compromise concept, If your like me then after awhile your gonna get bored, lets face if your partner has a hobby its probably about one or two things, and no-one ever really changes their hobby, so basically it stays the same, soo now that you are accustomed to what your partner enjoys to do your like (ok i get it, now what!) See after you went out a few times, ate at a couple restaurants, saw a couple of movies, and took a tour of your partners house a few times, basically did the whole dating scene thing then what????. This is where creativity comes into play, now theres many things to do especially in NYC, wine tastings, art galleries, museums, going baseball/basketball/soccer/football etc.. games, and there's over 5 different parks in the city that offer a wide variety of activities. Theres also over 100 different restaurants in NYC, so you have to have an open mind to have fun and not get bored. Now lets not forget if your broke in NYC there's many sites that offer free activities in NYC for instance http://www.freeinnyc.net/category/events http://gonyc.about.com/cs/freestuff/a/aa040902a.htm
http://www.nycgo.com/?event=view.article&id=225359 these are just to name a few, but this will help and is also fun even if your not broke. I definitely took part in a few activities off the broke list last year with my ex all summer and had a awesome time, and don't forget (Coney Island) it is most fun you will ever have. You have to learn to switch it up and change the routine, rotate every 4 months and do random things to please your partner, because everyone gets tired of the same things in relationships so learn new trates guys, even if that means taking up art.

Introduction The Art of Staying Together! (phase 1)

Relationships....well first off let me start of and Introduce myself, my Name is Carolyn but you can call me Lyn, I am 21 years old and have been through many relationships like yourself, or if your the shy long term relationship type then you have probably only seen about 2-3 depending on age. I am licensed in giving relationship advice because I say I am, I have many friends and have been called the female Dr Phil and Montel Jordan, and every decent relationship guru out there. People say I am too young to know this much, but its about paying close attention to peoples personalities, and it is just in my nature to do so. I take on this title and wear it proudly because I am almost never wrong. I love giving advice and my opinions are always welcomed, so if you feel I just "think" I know what I am talking about, challenge me and be amazed. I have many males friends and an open mind, I listen when they speak and read into their psyche. I have always paid close attention to body language, facial expressions,different tones and pitches in voices and the responses they give. Now that I gave you my resume, lets get started on the topic at hand, Staying together Phase 1... First I have been the one to walk away in almost all my relationships. See my personality is the type that gets bored easily, If I'm not fully entertained and given the proper amount of attention I am the first to walk away. THIS BEHAVIOR IS WRONG, I have learned in the past that you have to compromise and yes you have been told this before, but people still don't understand what that means, Compromise means letting one's self go and giving into the other just to please their partner, so in layman terms you have to let go and do things you don't feel like doing at times. So yes ladies that means watching the game, or your man play Madden and feeding him nachos, but don't think this doesn't go both ways men, for you this means taking trips to Sephora, and walking in the park, don't forget washing your girls hair etc. These are things that you start out doing just because you like your significant partner, and then it turns into things you enjoy because you love them. This is the most important step in the relationship, this can make or break the bond. Learning new hobbies, and doing what your partner loves to do, and appreciating them because this pleases your partner in the first place. This is just Phase 1 of getting to know your partner and keeping the relationship afloat!