What if I was with someone and I was content with the relationship but not happy. Basically settling for the person I was with because I couldn't wait and I wanted a substitution, but my heart was in fact thinking about being with someone else, someone I haven't even met yet. Someone I was hopeful to meet, to save me, and be everything I wanted, but couldn't have that right at this very moment. So I have this half ass relationship to fill a void until Mr right comes along. Now this is actually something I thought of doing at one point.
I use to be one of those people who needed to be in a relationship, or dealing with someone. I was never really single, always dating because I needed the stimulation. Wrong word, I needed to be engaged in the company of the opposite sex, because( I'm guessing "daddy issues") but it just made me feel complete. So after I got saved (gave my life to Christ) and finally devoted myself to God, I figured God had someone perfect for me and I would have him but in Gods time, and we all know his time and ours are completely different. So I figured I would date someone and keep it light until one day the right one would come along. But then It hit me and I thought, what if the guy of my dreams was to show up, how would I go about breaking my substitutes heart. I would have probably been with this guy for awhile, and would have to eventually let them go. I would probably feel sorry for him and make him break up with me in a manipulative way. Then So I thought, wouldn't I be a horrible person, I mean I've done it before but that was then, I have no excuses now. So I'm my human mind I thought, I'm just gonna be single and rid myself of the drama, because that's what I wanted, I wanted drama. If I wanted it, it would have happened and I would have hurt someone intentionally, and that is not very christian like. I always said I didn't wanna be a stumbling block to another person again in my life, I have done so for years and I thought now when I'm actually taking God seriously I wouldn't, so I put away those thoughts and said I'm waiting on you Lord. By the way, for those of you who don't know a Stumbling block is a person or thing that hinders you in moving forward, specifically religious wise, but can be used in both ways. Its something that you allow to stand in your own way of getting where you want to go with God. If I were in a relationship it would be for selfish reasons, its like dating someone to fill the void or space in your life until you found the right guy for you, it is evil, vindictive, manipulative and contrary. I honestly don't think I could do it, I retract my statement because in doing so you will have to be fake and if your real and your playing fake you can only be fake for so long. It would also make others question the fact that a "saved" person could do such a worldly thing. Another reason not to do it, were all God children, and if you mess with one of them and perform such a selfish act, God himself will personally send out a punishment, and I'm betting its one you wouldn't like.
So instead of having my heart stuck in the future i'm going to leave it with Jesus and have him make the decision for me, but boy as a woman I swear we love drama. Life would just be to boring without it, and that's why we watch reality TV and soap operas. But I'm just going to have to make my own drama in my blog post and my book which is in the making.
No comments:
Post a Comment