RDA

D stands for Delroy bio-dad
R stands for Rupert
A stands for an ex

There are three men that came in and out my life, and they were all very special to me; It hurt more than anything when they exited my life. One didn't want to stay, one died, and the other was simply a mirage. I had three distinct relationships with each, but they all gave me something I craved the most. All my life I've been trying to find myself, and it took me awhile to figure out who was staring back at me. I was lost, confused and had no hope and these men almost helped me to reach my life long goal, but as they exited so did the dream until I found a new hope that was there all along.

D stands for dad which I didn't have all my life. When I was 3 my parents split and I was devastated. The crazy part was when I was born my mom told me he couldn't put me down, I was his pride and joy. He took me everywhere like I was his wallet. I have so much pictures of me and him in my early years and the way we looked in the pictures you would think we were on the verge of having  tight knit family with 2 more on the way. But nope, the I only time I asked for my dad was when I was asking my mom where he was and when was he coming home. I happened to have had the typical story of a child that was brought up in a divorced household, child either grows up messed up or grows up trying to prove that her daddy made the wrong decision leaving and not staying apart of their life. In my case I was pretty messed up, I spaced out in school, I did my work but I wasn't sociable. I was constantly teased and I had low self esteem. I grew up thinking the worst about myself, I wanted to die everyday, plotted to kill myself and all, never tried though, I was just depressed. I was 10 and I cried almost every night, blamed myself and all. Growing up I put on a front at school to made it seem like I was happy; I would come home and not do homework,I was too busy imagining what life would be like if i was white or pretty or had a full happy family or if daddy stayed. Being the only child was the hardest thing, my mom was a single parent trying to support me and she long hours not to mention her job was far, so I would be home alone every day, granted my grandparents lived upstairs but I just wanted to be alone. I went through a lot in my 22 years of life, so much I cant even recall everything, but I know that through age 3 to 16 were my worst years.

R stands for Rupert, he was this guy that my mom was dating and they were pretty serious. His relationship with me was one I never dreamed I would have experience and I loved him so. He was the perfect step-dad, I never loved a man so much, he treated me like a father treats his favorite child, he took me out, he looked after me, and took care of me and he loved me. I was a very inquisitive child growing up and I loved to debate about GOD, the word and things that went on in the world. We held intelligent conversations and he made me feel good about myself, he was just there like how a father should be to their child. I loved his warmth, and his kind heart, he was the sweetest man I knew. His ability to make me smile, and make me comfortable was effortless. I never felt bored around him, I loved him so much I tried to pressure my mom to marry him, but he wouldn't speak on the topic. I was always confused,  and wondered why would he spend so much time around me if he didn't love me, or wasn't trying to marry m mom. One day he was in the hospital and the next he was gone. He was sick and was going to die, and he didn't want anyone to know. When i found out my heart shattered to pieces, all I kept thinking was NOOO not again! this cant happen again! I cannot have someone I love this much be taken from me again, I needed him, his love his support, A FATHER FIGURE I needed it sooo much and it was gone....just like that. I never cried so much, after his funeral I was dead, ghost, I didn't wanna talk or deal with anybody. I went back to my old ways and it just got worse, depression had sprung up upon me again and I had just given up.

A stands for ex boyfriend, This was a relationship I had recently and it stirs up old memories both good and bad. We had a short relationship but the way it was going you would have thought we would have gotten married had three kids and a farm, it was just that perfect. But NOTHING is perfect. What I appreciated about this relationship was the fact that he wasn't your typical guy, he was smart, supportive and inspirational. When we were together he inspired me to be greater than I ever thought I could be, I wanted to climb Mount Everest with him on my side. He took the time out to explain things to me, teaching me, and coaching me about stuff like like real estate, politics, culture and other religions. He opened up my mind to new and exciting things and I was so willing to learn from him. This man, before and during our relationship would give me tips and help me learn about real estate, I believe he sincerely wanted me to be even better than he was. Not only did he teach me things, he made me feel beautiful like really beautiful, I've never been with a person who constantly validated me and made me really secure in my relationship. I trusted him and had every reason to, not only did I literally spend every min with him, I trusted him. I was in my own little bubble, like have you ever been with someone where you see no one else but you them and clouds..like it was crazy. I was in lala land, blinded. He made me feel so secure that I showed him the real me, which was my real hair and he even made me feel better about going natural. I cant explain it, but when we were together he just made me feel good. In some weird way, I guess I looked at him as a father figure in some instances, he validated my looks which a father is suppose too, he taught me things not only about the business but things in life that I wasn't exposed to which a father is suppose too, and he really loved me, and I never felt love like that before. It was real, new and exciting and its sad that I never got that from my father, but a boyfriend so when we broke up I was crushed yet again. So again I went through my period of being depressed, and down and I looked like death for a few months.

What saddens me is that all of this has to do with my dad, and him not being there, and the fact that I had to seek love from these people, but there relationships made me smarter, wiser, and experienced. Even though I hated going through them it has gotten me closer to God. Through all this, God has been the only constant in my life, he has never let me down and left me in any shape or form, and it took me years to realize this, but when I did I definitely grabbed a hold on God and never let go since. So remember when you go through your troubles, life knocks you down and you seem all hope is gone just remember God is the only one that can satisfy your soul and fill the gap of who you lost. God is unchangeable and his love is endless, you can ALWAYS count on him.

Disney Girl in lala land

This is a brief but informative attack on females that think fairytale relationships exist, sorry for being so blunt but sweety if this applies to you YOU NEED TO GET A CLUE, now you can only believe in those stories if you 10 maybe 12 but in this day and age you should know the difference between real and fake. Now don't throw stones if you live in a glass house, that is to say I once were in fairytale land, and thought my relationship was golden but boy did reality kick in and i got a rude awakening. The good thing about me is i have experienced my heart being broken before, even though this time was entirely different and i fell hard, face first on concrete reality bites and i got back on my game. Many females believe in the fairytale of love and blah blah blah and when your in that world your eyes are closed, shut tight like a blind bat. When in your in that situation its kinda hard to get out, because all along your mind is telling you " this is too perfect this cant be real" but your heart is enjoying the feeling and you get swept away, and what you have to realize is NO RELATIONSHIP IS PERFECT not one, even your soul mate bugs you from time to time, but that is alright, that's NORMAL. That how regular relationships work out, you fight you make up and move on, that's life. So if your in one f those perfect perky relationship prepare for a downfall, and if you are reading this then you need yo put a stop to it before it gets worse, lets face it when you fight your true colors come out, if they still love you afterwards then yous in good standing, if not he wasn't meant for you, the real you.

Now if your one of the females who hasn't experienced it your in a fantasy world of denial, your longing and dreaming about the wrong thing. You are a female junkie who gets high of Disney movies and thinks that it happens just like that, and the sad part is you would put yourself in situations just so you can have movie moment. Granted i believe every female even my self loves a movie moment but not Disney movie moment, its so fake i can see the silicone on my TV screen, its like some weird liquid and when it bursts it bleeds out and the plastic that's left has melted away and form into the nothingness that is your nonexistent relationship. That type of female isn't ready for substance, something real and tangible and its truly sad. If you are like this and have not experience heartbreak, get in a relationship and give yourself entirely, if and when this happens then you truly survive in this dating world. However if you luck out, and when you have given yourself you had the love returned then congrats babes, that's a 10 in a million in this world, just think of yourself as winning the jackpot. So my point is, just be true and real in the beginning stages and if he sticks around then you would have know he is there for you and not a fake version of notyou.

Soul-Mate

Let me know the ways so that i can be your perfect soul mate...CUT, how can someone try to be someones perfect soul mate its either you are or you not, its that's simple. That brings me to my subject for today, how can one be someones perfect soul mate. Now when I say perfect soul mate I mean this person loves all your flaws and thinks its poetic. They just tend to love every little thing about you and know you down to a T in less than a year of the relationship. I say in less than a year because anyone can learn things about you as the relationship progresses, but the more they know in the less time shows how truly perfect they are for you. The person should just do things that you would do and vice versa, they would pick up where you slack and always remain on the same page no matter what. Everyone is born with a match in life, and when you date you are suppose to be trying to find that perfect match or your true love.

In true love instances you find the person of your dreams and they are your match for life, other times you take a risk with a person and see what the turn out is, and if it happens to work and you both were willing to compromise then that's beautiful. But for that isn't fate that is weighing your options and making it work for you. I'm talking about the"Ooo she/he look mad good imma go bag and see if she/he take my number and call me" in the beginning and then after a few dates you get to know the person and you end up liking them and you develop a relationship to see if things could work and they do. But if were talking about fate, I'm talking about the "wow this person seems to have all the characteristics I would want in a partner", then your thinking if there thinking the same thing. So when you realize this person is your soul mate, and your telling the story about how you met, you find out you guys were thinking the exact same thing about each other, that's when it clicks that you are in fact meant for each other. I believe their is nothing better than being on the same page even before the relationship (Sounds crazy but some people want the same things and they can just tell what the other wants just by looking at them). I love nothing more when a partner can tell what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling without me even having to open my mouth, is and unspoken language that your soul mate speaks because their your match, your perfect pair, they can just tell and make it right.

Back to the meet and greet, granted you won't know this person and you haven't spoken to them, your basically going off looks, but depending on the scenery you can study the person based on what there doing. Now this scenario only goes for people who meet their soul mates in for example the book store, or on the line at a store or grocery, seen them in church, or somewhere you can study them before you make you approach. Definitely not no random walking down the street approach because lets face it, you just tryna bag if she/he is off the street (on the road) and trust it wont be for more than free food and mindless fooling around. So you put on your inspector gadget specs on and you kinda play context clues and see what their about, then you muscle up the nerve to ask them out. Now this can go for ladies who feel their of the the new millennium and brave enough to bag dudes. Now if your the shy/classy type who believes a man should take the lead and play his role, then the same follows if he is for you he will approach you. Now this isn't a simple "bagging" but a get to know you kinda meet and greet, the person will engage in a conversation, no matter where they are only if interested (only if there in a rush they would apologize and tell you they will call) but for a soul mate type scene he/she would talk with you before they get the number. See everyman knows what they want in a female, if they want sex he will take your number and talk to you in two to three days to put the moves on you, but if he likes what he sees and is intrigued by the conversation, he will call you the same night to see if you got home safely and make a date with you the next day.

Now during this time period i would like for either of you, while your getting to know each other DO NOT BE FAKE under ANY circumstances, this will mess up the flow of things and throw the relationship over board and it would have a gunshot wound eternally bleeding until it dries out and just dies. I just hate when your in a relationship and one party tells you they like something and you agree just so you can have something in common. Once you start with lies, you will lie again and again until your a different person, and you would have changed yourself just to make the relationship work. Now imma be honest black people or African Americans don't normally do this but some do, this is generally for Caucasian folks, you girls lie through your teeth (and your pretty good at it) but in the end you loose. You think you get the perfect guy but in fact he is only in love with you because of the mirage you put up for him, and when your true colors start to show and he sees you for what you really are he would walk away; not because your different, but because you lied.

Recap: Your Soul Mate is the person who finishes your sentences on the fifth date, they know you because you would have so much in common, they would be the ying to your yang. This person makes you feel complete to the point where you don't look at anyone else, not even for looking sake. You just know you have the right person that's just for you, you wouldn't even have to feel jealous or intimidated by anyone else because no one is like you but you. There is only 1 Soul Mate for every 1 person, and when you find him/her you would feel like you have everything you would ever need. I haven't found mine yet but I'm still looking and believing in God, and in Gods time he will be revealed to me and i will have true happiness. Good movie reference to true love watch "When Harry Met Sally" it is one of the best love stories in the late eighties, and  is very memorable. The movie showed that no matter how long you are away from the person if their your Soul Mate they will come back to you. Some of the older couples that did the commentary said when they saw their Soul Mate in a matter of weeks they were married to them and most of the marriages lasted over 30 years, and they still looked happy. I believe that in this time and day it can still happen, even though a lot has changed socially and economically, some things always stay the same and that's TRUE LOVE!